How Time Flies!

So in 2010 I decided that I was turning a new leaf, and reading my post, wow do I believe myself! Too bad things didn't go as planned :( But a lot has happened since then! I now work in a store that I love doing things I fully enjoy...I did quite smoking after finding out I was pregnant with my third child who is now a beautiful, bouncing little girl!!! (Still overwhelmed by all the pink and LOVING it!) Eating healthy has fallen by the waste-side but is making its way back to the top of my list, as is exercising and finding that patience of mine! I feel so good about a few of my choices though such as choosing to go CLOTH for my diapers and sincerely enjoying that :) Not many people do that in the small town I am in. I am beginning to do my crafty things again and made the CUTEST little booties for my daughter...I will have to add a picture! So here I am again, and I am going to stick with this blog this time... You can join me on my journey through my continuing love for cloth diapers, searching for my infamous patience, continuing my educational path, working through my past dealings with being in domestically violent relationship, my continuing sobriety from drugs, finally finding a job I sincerely enjoy, raising my three children, my wonderful relationship, the house I bought, oh and did I mention I am getting a dog! A Chesapeake bay retriever :) Naming him Grizz Lee :) And yes focusing again on my exercise and eating right... I do have to say that since I began doing my crafts and things I have been sleeping better than EVER! It has really helped me to clear my head and relax before hitting the hay and I fall asleep within 30 minutes versus the usual 3 hours!!! Well I cannot wait to get back on here and write about something successful... Everyday I want to focus on the sunshine in my life, the thing I accomplished, instead of all the bad that happens...its so easy to list all negative aspects in our lives...I want to recreate the paths in my brain to look for and focus on all the good!!! Well, for today my accomplishment is getting on here and starting this blog again!!!! (OH I do want to add that I am starting to recycle as well and am new to that... so any suggestions would be GREAT! And I also nurse my daughter so that is another task to take on...as well as the boys starting wrestling...oh so busy but I am realizing how much I love keeping busy! OK I am off to bed :) Have a wonderful night!!! See you tomorrow!

Starting Over!

Nothing compares to anything fresh. Fresh fruit. Fresh Veggies. A fresh start! I have not been on here in over a year!!! I had begun my blog when things were starting to turn around in my life, but, as life goes, all my good progress began to take a downward spiral. I had lost my fight against quitting smoking. I had lost my motivation for exercise. I had lost my motivation to eat healthier. I had lost my drive to paint, draw, and even WRITE! Yikes! Well I am turning a new leaf, again. This time however, I don't question whether or not I can do it. I know I can do it. I believe it, and therefore it will be. I have made my goal, and now the performance will follow, my dreams will manifest. My uncle had a heart attack. He is 42 years old. This seems to happen to everyone in my family...at a very young age...Yes! 42 IS YOUNG! :) Add the fact that I smoke, and haven't been eating the best, and not exercising, well, I am pretty much doomed! No I am not. I have been preparing to make the lifestyle changes needed in order to be successful with these goals: to be healthy, happy, and patient. I am sure I can add a whole lot more to the list! And as time goes I will. I also got back into school, YAY! It feels so good to accomplish things...even if it is one assignment at a time... Well, I will let you go for now, just wanted to give a heads up that, I am back! And this time, I am not giving up.

The past

As I sit and stare into this empty abyss I like to call my life, I cannot help but wonder, as most of us do...Now what? As we live each and everyday, as we come up on "Big Events" in our lives, we feel so attached to the past--we never see "now" what will be our "I remember when" 's *with a smile on our face* or maybe *a frown escorted by a tear in the eye.* Out of self pity almost, we look to our past and wish of, dream of going back. And we sit and wish for the future to hurry up. Why? So we can miss the past again? So we can miss the TODAY we are wishing away? So my goal for today: Take advantage of every moment. And if i decide to spend a moment in silence-doing nothing, thinking of nothing-I am going to be ever so thank full in the future that i took a moment to rest when i could. For in the future, some day, I will say, I need to rest more. And then i can reply to myself, oh wait, I have already done that. =) What is it we like so much about the past anyways? Youth. Freedom. Love. No Worries. Carelessness. The invincibility we all believed we had...? When I do look back, I cannot recall the the details of my first communion, or confirmation, the details of the softball tourney, or even the first day of middle school, high school, or my senior year...the so called "Big Events." But i can remember the nothings in between. So the now whats have purpose and that empty abyss has been filled with meaning -- even though it may seem to lack the "Big Stuff" all those little stuffs are taking up plenty of room. No more wasting away on the past. I am going to build my life on the now, on my Today, the most important day of my life.

*~Amazing Dreams & Journaling My morning :)

Surrounded high above reality by light-hearted clouds of glitter and melancholy raindrop faces...i take a dive-in slow motion- and land on the softest bed of flower peddles that float up into the air and defy gravity...staying there...all at once the peddles drop...the clouds shatter, sending glitter everywhere and i am covered from head to toe...soaked by a melancholy rain...I try to stand up...but i slip...falling into an empty abyss that awaits my never ending landing...and I wake up...heart stopped, sweat covered forehead, frozen on my bed...to the sounds of rain and thunder outside my slightly cracked window...once again late for work. So i skipped my morning workout (for the fifth day in a row) and deny myself my fresh fruit smoothie...and my sons and i sit down for a lovely bowl of Kashi cereal with chopped bananas and blueberries...yummy! and we rushed to get dressed, teeth brushed and out the door...only to find out, my eight o'clock has been canceled...deep breaths, I tell myself...I drop the boys off and decide to sit in the school parking lot and journal. My boss thinks i am at a personal meeting (the one that got canceled) and I can already feel that its going to be "one of those days." Even though guilt tries its best to seep up inside of me...I cannot help but think to myself...I deserve this...I have earned the right to sit here for fifteen minutes and relieve the stresses of yesterday and this morning out in my journal...before i take it out on someone else...(in other words: I will write everything that is bothering me in my journal and when i feel i am ready to explode on someone later...i pull out my journal...and smack them with it) Don't we all wish we could do that...just once? Journaling is said to have extreme benefits(as well as blogging). It is a great outlet, and form of self-help-therapy. It is a great way to better yourself...you can always go back and find patterns within yourself. Lets say you smoke...days when your mom calls, you smoke more...you want to quit smoking? Work on those days for a couple of weeks or maybe months first. You get depressed after you kids come home from college and head back? Then find things to do to fill that first week or so after they head back to school. Things that honestly make you happy. IN fact...Journaling or blogging about those situations, quitting smoking, missing someone...can help you to work through it in its-self! Since many of us, especially with the economic times, cannot afford to have Internet at home or even a computer...keep a note book in your car, at your desk, under your bed...in the kitchen...And when you need to talk, but don't feel like burdening your loved ones with issues that you feel are minute...let it out...on your journal...if its something you don't want others to read? Shred it once you are done...keep a bag in all those places as well for all the shredded paper, and RECYCLE! Not only will you be helping yourself, but the environment too! Have a great day, and I will try to get on later!

Myself & My Blog

Introduction to me:
I am a single mother in my early 20's of 2 boys ages 4 and 5. I work a full time job(that I thankfully still have) and spend any free time reading, writing, doodling, attempting to exercise &/or partaking in Yoga and cleaning...which, doesn't happen all that often. I am lucky to have about an hour to myself after my children have dozed off into dream land. I am a recovered drug addict and alcoholic. I tend to drink every now and then, but after 3 sober years i feel i am able to control it to a certain extent. I will, however, find myself drinking a little more than I should be able to handle, and therefore stop...once again. I have recently quit smoking- 10 days smoke free! -and am loving it! I not so long ago lost myself...in life, as we all do from time to time, and managed to shift through the entire box of lost and found and discovered, I am still where I left myself! Now its a matter of removing all the other junk piled on top of me, in order to reclaim what I alone posses...Myself.
Intro to Blog:
I would like to explain first and foremost, the title...Life Is a Ray of Sunshine...That title holds two solid meanings...one of which is saying, and I quote, "Life is a ray of sunshine." Sometimes life is great, its wonderful, its beautiful, its in-explainable...you couldn't be happier...and other days the title is saying either "...life is a ray of sunshine..." *sarcastically* or *with a melancholy tone*. In other words...life sucks, I want to sleep the next month of my life away...I hate my life right now..etc...I am going to do my best to give you examples, through my own experiences, of life...and i want to hear all about yours too!...how we can get out of slumps...laugh...look on the bright side of things...etc. We have great days and not-so-great days...and we can learn sooo much from both...I like to look for the best in every situation i am confronted with...however...i tend to see the worst in every situation i am confronted with...Contradicting. I know. That is life though. Isn't it just a ray of sunshine?